First of all, don’t worry! You won’t break her, and chances are, unless you’re totally devoid of feeling, you won’t hurt her emotionally. The fact that you take the time and effort to research the subject is proof in itself that you are a good father, willing to put yourself through some of the awkward situations that can arise when it comes to the female psyche, or worse, some of the sickening aspects of dealing with the female body. I promise I’ll try to be as gentle as possible, but some issues just can’t be avoided. The best thing you can do for your daughter is to have confidence in yourself. Don’t think that because you are a man you have to give in to a woman when it comes to matters like this. Armed with a little information, you can be the parent she feels comfortable confiding in.
ANATOMY OF THE CHILD 0-9 YEARS
When going to the bathroom, anything coming from behind can wreak havoc on anything from the front. This means that you need to be careful when cleaning him to avoid interaction, and as he gets older, you need to teach him to do the same. Tell him why it’s important to clean the back of the back and the front of the front and he’ll be much more likely to understand. You don’t have to use the words “urinary tract infection,” but you get the idea…
Typically, starting at the age of four, your daughter may come to you, open her vagina (as wide as possible), and tell you that she has itching or some other condition. Most likely, she has been potty trained for quite some time and you are not as comfortable with a close view as you used to be. Try not to do anything to discourage her from feeling comfortable about coming to you with this type of information. You want to be able to keep an eye on things and you want her to be able to talk to you about anything. I can’t give you any advice on how to handle it in front of a crowded room, but if it’s appropriate for her to bring it up, you should allow her to do so. Take a look, and unless things are totally out of control, tell him it’s probably because not all of the soap was rinsed off. She’s probably just looking for reassurance that there’s nothing really wrong, but if it seems to be bothering her, a clean washcloth with cold water and maybe some Vaseline, if it’s really red, should do the trick. She will suddenly become modest around age nine or ten, but she will have laid the foundation, and you can rest assured that her daughter will let you know if there are any areas of concern.
HER PERIOD
There’s no exact science to determine when you’re going to get your first period, but chances are you’ll get it around the same age your mother was when she had her first period. Most girls start menstruating when they are twelve or thirteen years old, but some girls get their periods at the age of ten. The best idea is to buy a box of sanitary pads (tampons come into play about a year later, and there’s no better advice you can give about tampons than the instructions that come on each box) and let her know they’re there. if she needs them, then leave it at that. Under the best of circumstances, the two of you will never have to talk about her period again after you’ve given her these facts:
1. The first months of menstruation are unpredictable. You may have a little bleeding a month for a few days, and then who knows when it will happen again. Thinking about this can be very scary if you’re a girl, because every school has one unfortunate boy who got his period in a crowd for all to see. Tell her daughter that if she pays attention, she’ll surely know something is up long before she gets to the point of going through her clothes. I am a grown woman who has run into situations, and believe me; a pair of underwear and blue jeans can take a fair amount before someone else notices. Due to logistics, you will likely go to the bathroom when your period starts, and even if you find yourself without a sanitary napkin handy it can work wonders. Just be sure to tell her to wrap the toilet paper around the crotch of her panties, because without any adhesive she tends to fall down her pant leg.
2. There might be some pretty scary stuff mixed in there. Blood clots are common and can be alarmingly large, up to the size of a quarter. They can also be extremely dark and solid. I really didn’t want to give you the picture, but I didn’t want you to take your son to the hospital unnecessarily.
3. To dispose of sanitary napkins, roll them glue side out, then wrap them in toilet paper. Demonstrate with an unused one. This technique benefits everyone, including the septic system. Some girls don’t want anyone to see ugliness and will go to great lengths to avoid embarrassment, even hiding them in a drawer etc.
4. An unsuspecting father getting a top view of his daughter’s dirty underwear might have reason to wonder about her hygiene. It is typical for adolescent girls to have a heavy flow, which will lessen as she gets older. Most girls spend their teenage years thinking they’re abnormal, only to have an argument with a best friend one day and realize that she’s just like everyone else. The discharge should not have a strong odor or a greenish tinge, everything else is normal.
5. You don’t need to go into the full discussion, “You’re a woman now,” but she may ask you why she’s getting her period, so I’ll explain it to you in adult terms and you can translate it. If she were to become pregnant, her embryo would embed itself within her womb, comfortably within this blood. Every month, in the absence of an embedded embryo, the uterus sheds this blood to cleanse itself and replenish the supply. The period is the ultimate douche, and it is unnecessary and even unhealthy for a woman to douche after she has had her period. She may feel dirty, but in reality she couldn’t be cleaner!
There you go, everything you need to know (and maybe something you don’t know) about dealing with your daughter’s period.