Most of us will have at least one ex. We may even have to see them from time to time, perhaps because of the kids, work, or a shared social circle. Sometimes it can be painful, uncomfortable, or embarrassing, especially at first. But hopefully we gradually heal and accept what happened, perhaps even becoming a bit cynical or worldly as a consequence.
But what happens when, once all the acrimony has worn off, and we feel relaxed and more at ease in their company, perhaps we haven’t been sexually active for a while, we start to look at them in a more favorable light and think ? , ‘Why not?’
How tempting it could be after a difficult breakup, followed by a long period alone caring for your wounds, feeling less and less attractive that you get together to discuss ‘something important’ only to be vaguely attracted to him or her. A glass or two of wine later and you’re in bed together.
After all, we know them very well and they know us. We are familiar with the likes and dislikes of others, we do not need to make an effort, we are both consenting adults with needs, desires and desires for a little sexual attention. There is no confusion; it’s simple. But is it?
If you haven’t been intimate for a while, you may be losing closeness and sex, but is sex with your ex just a temporary solution that keeps you from making the effort to move on? While that may be fine as a convenient and ‘safe’ arrangement, what seems like a good solution on paper may also raise the question, at what point do you start moving forward?
When you first broke up, you no doubt started making plans, with big ideas that inspired your new single life. You were excited to book that training course, look for a new job, become a freelancer, tone up, update your image and couldn’t wait to get started. But ending up in your ex’s arms, even occasionally, can put those plans on hold.
Revisiting familiar territory can stop our enthusiasm, causing our motivation to stall for a while. It can be too much of an effort when there is an exciting distraction in our lives – something that makes us smile!
Not long ago we shared feelings, emotions, and dreams. We love each other, we build a house, maybe a family together. Having sex with our ex can gradually awaken those feelings and trigger the feelings involved, resulting in conversations that begin, ‘do you remember when?’ And ‘what about the moment?’, All pleasant moments that stir up deeper emotions.
Problems arise if we gradually start to expect more from the fix. It is important to remember that this is not a relationship, but more of a convenience for both of you. However, over time, we may find ourselves waiting impatiently for text messages, annoyed if they don’t arrive, wondering when the next connection will be, dreaming of where our future may take us.
But our ex may feel very different about us now. Things are often said or done in the lead up to divorce, hurt and angry exchanges that cannot be forgotten. Those feelings that we once described as love may have softened into, at best, a comfortable acceptance of each other due to our joint history.
Sex and our ex is not necessarily about making love or rekindling the relationship, but rather about releasing stress and pent-up emotions in a family environment. We know each other, we feel comfortable with the body of the other, we are aware of the likes, dislikes and idiosyncrasies of others. It is easy and familiar.
It may even have been that sex was a key part of the relationship, something that continually brought us back together, even in the darkest days of the divorce.
So if you find yourself following that familiar path, perhaps first protect yourself by setting some personal parameters.
– Identify why your relationship failed and remember those reasons and the personal cost involved. Tackle any issues and find ways to improve how you feel about yourself, perhaps through education and working toward grades, becoming more financially independent, toning and updating your image, or through therapy, where you resolve any behavioral issues, thereby increasing your confidence. and self esteem.
– Accept invitations and little by little you start to feel better about yourself. as you expand your social circle. Build your independence away from home. Find time for the things that interest you; maybe sports, a night class, places to meet people with interests similar to yours. There may be limited options for meeting in person at this time, so go online and enjoy communicating and improving your conversation and social skills.
– Set reasonable goals to keep going at your own pace. Finding a new home, job, circle of friends, or circle of support can take time and cause stress at first, but take the pressure off, accept help, and be wary of seeking out your ex for comfort, security, or sex out of loneliness or habit. .
So if you do enjoy each other’s company and end up in bed, it’s genuine, hassle-free fun for both of you. But also remember that your intentions in the beginning may change and result in serious complications later!