Passion is a deep desire and longing, a strong desire and enthusiasm for something or someone. Being passionate includes this sense and feeling of being governed by an all-consuming drive to engage intensely in an activity, be it physical, mental, or emotional. This discussion will not include passions for things like art, music, any career or political views; instead, we are focusing on using your ability to understand and create passion in your sexual relationship. Where there is passion, most of the time there is also love.
If you’re married, you’ll need to be more creative about when, where, and how long you’ll be intimate. Never stop being friends and lovers, that is the first key. Then, know yourself, know your innermost desires, and don’t be afraid to bring fantasies into your sex life, with your partner’s approval of course. You must first understand yourself and why you have gotten yourself into a boring sexual place. In counseling so many couples over the years, I have been told that children tend to put a damper on relationships. I think that’s a dodge! Don’t let creativity die for God’s sake! You’ve seen that show “Are you smarter than a fifth grader” right? Well, put your two heads together and think of ways to work with the children. That’s your job, mine here is to teach you how to become the passionate lover you want to be, and receive passionate advances and act on it too. Passion starts in the mind but connects every cell and drives physical and emotional reactions where there is love and enthusiasm.
Identifying Passion: See how this steamy scene makes you feel:
Just imagine: your lover is far away but you can’t stop thinking about her during the day. You connect in ways you may not even understand, there is a soul mingling as they say and a depth to your love.
Your journey home seems too long, but your mind and body are already with her, remembering past love events. His way of walking, his smile, his intellect, his spontaneity and sensitivity; and oh, her soft skin, her great body, the way she responds to you and how she makes you feel sexy. She calls you and says something mean and you can’t wait to get home.
It’s been a long day at the office and you had an exhausting dinner. You come home, your favorite music is playing, the fragrance of candles is in the air, the fireplace is on, and your lover greets you at the door. She hugs you in your favorite perfume, slightly different hair showing her neck, and she kisses you on her lips, it’s a warm wet kiss. She’s wearing something very seductive, but she still doesn’t show too much skin. She takes your briefcase while you take off your shoes. She walks up the stairs with you and helps you out of your coat, tie, and pants. You are refreshed when she tells you that she will be downstairs waiting for you. This is different, nice and exciting too.
You go downstairs and she has removed a piece of clothing that creates a reaction. She takes your hand and brings it closer to her body, allowing you a soft caress but nothing more. She has arranged a comfortable spot with a blanket and pillows on the living room floor in front of the fireplace. She gives you your favorite drink. You haven’t made love there before. You start to speak but she touches your lips with her finger as if to say shhh, I understand you. She starts kissing your hand, seductively sucking on one of your fingers and your imagination runs wild. The emotions inside you are stirred and the impulses are strong. She dips her hands in warm massage oil while you relax comfortably on the pillows. She feels like she’s reaching inside you somehow and your body starts making involuntary movements. This is all about you now as you close your eyes for a moment wishing this would last. She pulls away from her and blows gently on the oily stains. You can barely stand it as she continues to pull her body closer to you allowing parts of her body to brush against you. She’s just as excited and eager as you are, but in moderation you both allow the passion to build as you explore new erogenous zones by watching and listening for the right reaction. It is obvious that she wants to please you and you also want to please her; It is not only a physical pleasure that they both seek, but also a spiritual one.
They feed each other chilled berries dipped in their favorite alcohol and the juice runs down their skin and hers too. Deep desire and emotions surge like never before… there is a newness, almost as if a different person is making love to you, while at the same time, you love the deep connection beyond the physical even now. They haven’t loved each other that much in a long time…and then the deepest passionate connection.
That’s the feeling of a passionate scene. What was going on internally? What makes you want someone so badly that all other thoughts disappear? Lust is not passion. So if you don’t know your lover very well and you are not in love with each other, sharing passion is not what you will experience. Being sexually stimulated by someone without love certainly happens all the time. This discussion revolves around passionately identifying to the core of your being, what some have described as champagne coursing through your veins. Passion doesn’t necessarily create a sexual reaction, but it does cause a fire in the heart, a yearning so different from simple sex that the experience leaves you speechless.
Next, what will make you more desirable? What will create the automatic wave of passionate desire for you in your partner?
To find your passion you must discover yourself and then understand and make discoveries about your partner. Passionate lovemaking requires not only intensity, but also love. An individual may be a witty lover, but not a passionate one. Zeal is not always equal to passion. There is a chemistry that unites two lovers on levels that go beyond the physical. If love is definable, and I don’t know if it’s really possible to define love with human words; that passion is definitely one component of that equation. We must want someone so much that the center of our being shudders from their place, from their touch, from their words, from the thought of them. One must be able to provoke a reaction from a distance for passion to exist. Fantasies definitely fall into the passion picture, as images are powerful. So before you see your lover, start imagining them. Imagine how it would feel to hug them, touch them, kiss them, be intimate. Make them part of your fantasy before it happens.
If your love life has stagnated and you want to change things drastically, take a look at the following suggestions:
- Identify your own thirst and sexual pleasures. First, each of you should write down everything you can think of that turns you on and that you find erotic. Think about any fantasies you’ve had or anything sexual you wanted to try or thought was interesting. Try to make the list as complete as possible and be creative. If you have no ideas, rent some movies if you must.
- Next, write down what you think your partner enjoys the most, and be specific. Understanding your partner on all levels will help you create passionate love. If you know your partner likes silk sheets, a warm bath, roses, a massage, walking on the beach, listening to Beethoven or Bach, dancing, hot movies, make these things part of the experience. Make changes as moods and interests changeā¦be flexible.
- Discuss your lists. Does he or she find erotica? Would you be interested in trying one or more? Feel their reactions on all levels. Look him in the eye and see if he can’t say the words you need to hear. Talk about how you would test the items or if you or your partner wanted any variation or if you would need to negotiate limits or boundaries of what would be tested. By examining these lists, you may learn something new about your partner.
- Decide which items they find erotic and interesting. Have a couple plan a time to be together and be sexual. Surprise each other and, for God’s sake, be spontaneous once in a while. Making love is pretty boring when you have to schedule it into your day or night. Take a shower together… that can be so much fun! Or take a whirlpool bath together; Be sure to add scented candles for mood lighting, play some beautiful music, and lean into each other’s arms as you soak in, let things happen.
- It is not common for couples to have different sexual desires. In fact, that can make things even more fun! Passion includes the enthusiasm to make the fantasies of others come true, as well as to make one’s own come true. Your partner will appreciate that you have taken an interest in something he or she would like, and it sends the signal that it is okay for both of you to have different sexual tastes, that you are attentive to his or her needs as a sexual person, and that you take pleasure in seeing him or her aroused. You may find over time that you not only enjoy pleasuring your partner, but you also enjoy the activity. Often we don’t know what we might like unless we try several times. If you are willing to be more open to your partner’s ideas, he or she is likely to be more open to your ideas as well.
- Making love should start long before any sexual act. Perhaps walking hand in hand down a beautiful path, or window shopping; sitting in a ball game, bird watching in the park, taking a walk and touching each other while driving (be careful); do whatever brings you to the playful side of life, the tender moments.
- Have you really explored each other on all levels? Try playing a sex game. Go to an adult store and pick something out together.
- Make life a party whenever possible. Celebrate each other beyond the bedroom. Giving each other pleasure in ways that do not include physical intimacy. Learn to bend so you don’t break.
- Love what you do and do what you love more often. Stop judging your body or your partner’s. Love them from the inside out. With age comes bodily changes and challenges. If you are truly in love with someone, the passion will stay high because you will take intimacy to “higher ground”; the mind and spirit.
- Improve your look from head to toe every six months. Keep things fresh and exciting. Make the space where you spend most of your time making love the most glorious space possible. Make it sexy for both of you.
Creating passion is about being creative and experimenting in ways that feel comfortable, pleasurable, and exciting. Sexual expression in our relationships is about sharing love and having fun. So have fun and let the passion within you create extraordinary moments! Once you create the moments, a lifetime of passionate love will be yours if you continue to be attentive to your needs and those of your lover as well.
Keep things hot!