Think about the last time you were involved in a discussion or discussion in which you reacted. How did you appear in that exchange? Thorny? Angry? Defensive? Powerless? Personally, when I am reactive, I become susceptible to all kinds of negativity.
In fact, I have to raise my hand and admit that I have been a victim of the victimhood / reactivity wiles more recently. I allowed someone else’s bad behavior and negativity to make me a little nervous. (How nervous I was also with the included F-bombs.) Fortunately, during my little visit to the dungeons of victimhood / reactivity I remembered something very important; I have a choice whether or not to allow someone else’s shitty behavior (over which I have no control) to affect me. I also realized that the negativity that was making my heart feel heavy and draining my power was also leaving me susceptible to being sucked into more drama, chaos, and discomfort from the situation.
The bottom line; when we don’t react, we detach ourselves from the negative charge. We cling to our own personal power, that is, we do not allow something or someone else to make us feel small or insignificant or, worse still, victims of circumstances.
So here are some things you can try when you react instead of responding:
- During “heated” moments, try to breathe deeply, sit quietly for a moment, and give yourself that time to calm your emotions. Doing something as simple as taking a deep breath will help you get out of that place of receptivity where words are carefully chosen and thoughts are clearer.
- If necessary, apologize for the conversation and let the other person know that you would like to bring the discussion to the table and give it some thought.
- Allow your emotions or your body signals (ie, tension) to serve as your trigger, and then ask yourself the question: “What do I choose now?” When you remember that you have a choice, you regain your own personal power to respond.
Whatever you choose, it can be truly liberating and quite powerful coming from a place of responsiveness rather than reactivity. Also, avoid drama and chaos and experience much more peace and positive well-being, so this is the power to respond.