One trait that most men value highly in a woman is her ability to listen well and remain interested in what they have to say. Listening can be the most subtle, but effective, way to show sincere appreciation for another person.
With proper awareness and practice, we can all be better listeners, show more appreciation, and make deeper connections with other people. To help you make immediate progress in this area, here are some simple guidelines to follow:
o Give the gift of honest listening.
Sometimes it is comforting for a speaker to share his emotional burden with another person. When someone is there to listen, it satisfies that person’s human need to be understood. Certainly, there are times when we talk about things that are not so interesting to someone else. However, your willingness to absorb our thoughts, ideas, and emotions can be comforting and comforting. Listening is considered a true sign of affection, friendship, and even love.
o Set your intention to give your full attention.
Some people are easily distracted when someone else is speaking. But if you get distracted, the speaker won’t feel that you value what they have to say. If you want to become an outstanding listener, the first order of business is to determine to develop the habit of giving speakers your undivided attention. You can accomplish this by: (1) looking directly into their eyes as they speak, (2) keeping your body still and not moving, (3) turning your body toward them instead of away, and (4) keeping quiet until they have finished complete your thoughts.
o Provide positive nonverbal comments.
Show that you are listening intently by offering comments as if that person is the only one left on this earth. You can do this by: (1) nodding your head in agreement, (2) leaning closer to the person speaking, (3) smiling with delight or approval, and (4) maintaining eye contact during the conversation. As anyone with a hearing impairment can verify, listening is not always auditory communication.
o Try not to interrupt while talking.
When you interrupt someone while they are speaking, you are often trying to finish their sentences to speed up their story. But mostly you are in your own head thinking about what you want to talk about instead of listening. After a while, the speaker becomes annoyed at your interruptions. For a speaker to feel appreciated, it is important to be more patient and disciplined when listening. If necessary, ask if you can make a brief comment on your topic before letting me continue.
o Help the speaker to get into your flow.
When I worked as a public speaking coach years ago, one of my main tasks was to get people to talk about topics they were eager to discuss. I would get things moving if I asked him, “So, John, tell us what happened to you the other day.” When the speaker got stuck, he would intervene: “What happened next?” By doing this, I was able to help the speaker flow. I only interrupted them to get them back on track or to suggest that they elaborate their story. If you can help other people to “flow” when they speak, they will especially appreciate it.
o Seek first to understand others rather than wanting them to understand yourself.
Most people wish that others understood them, but it is more rare that we think about trying to understand the other person. But by changing this habit in conversations and understanding the other person first, we can learn what is important to them early in the game. This adjustment will naturally result in conversations that are tailored to the other person’s taste and allow for a better exchange of ideas. By shifting our focus more to the other person, we learn more about them and help them feel more appreciated. The other person will also perceive you as a more loving and less self-centered person.
o Repeat their words to yourself.
An easy way to avoid leaking what someone else is saying is to repeat it in your mind as you speak. Try it! I think you will find that this simple technique will keep your mind from wandering. It will also help your concentration and improve your memory of what is being said.
o Don’t jump to conclusions!
When resolving conflicts, be sure to fully listen to the person. Come see his side of the story and find out exactly what his true intentions were. That way, you can avoid the common mistake of jumping to conclusions by hearing only the opening part. When you collect all the information from them, you will be more likely to identify with the reasoning or purpose of the other person’s behavior.
o Ask empowering questions.
By listening more closely, you will be able to ask the right kinds of questions. Good questions get the speaker to elaborate on them in more detail or guide them in a more productive direction. Helpful questions include: “What made you really proud of that?” and “What did you enjoy the most about what happened then?” You can also empower the speaker by directing them toward topics associated with positive rather than negative emotions. Rather than asking questions just for your own benefit, ask with the added intention of guiding the speaker to feel better about himself.
By mastering these simple listening techniques with practice and purpose, a smart woman can distinguish herself. The men you date will come to think of you as someone they can enjoy spending quality time with while doing the most basic activity: having an informal one-on-one conversation.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Dating sucks when people start avoiding you because you’ve earned a reputation as a terrible audience. But dating is great when others feel understood and appreciated for the easy way you listen to them.