A bright eighth grader came home distraught one day. The boy’s mom asked, “What’s wrong?” The boy’s response was heartbreaking. “I want to be homeschooled. School isn’t fun like it used to be. The teachers are so bad.” The concerned mother spoke with her son, a boy the teachers raved about, a boy who is known as a leader, a good friend and a strong positive personality. “Mom, it’s not what the teachers tell me or do to me, it’s how they act around the other kids, the kids they don’t like or the ones who don’t do so well in school. These teachers, Mom, are supposed to They are role models. I would never do the things they do to other kids! But, today, the teacher yelled at me in front of everyone because other kids in my group were talking. He said I should have made them stop talking. she asked if she was too afraid to make them stop! Then she said I should be a role model. Mom, she’s so hypocritical. I can’t get the kids to stop talking. I’m sick of it. The way these teachers treat the kids. kids, I don’t even want to go to school anymore.
This situation had been progressing over a period of three months. The mother finally decided to take action and talk to her son’s teachers. What she saw were the faces of teachers who had no idea they were hurting children, children they considered the world, children they truly cared about. Most teachers mean well when they react to frustrations, disappointments, and challenges in the classroom. However, good intentions are not always worth the pain caused by hurtful teacher behaviors.
Today, much of our society accepts some of the most hurtful language as acceptable humor. Sarcasm has become commonplace at home, in the classroom, and in the media. Much of the humor in the media is sarcastic. Unfortunately, that same sarcasm is what fuels an uncaring community in the classroom. Some kids think it’s funny. Some children are indifferent. Some children cannot read the cues and social cues behind its use. Some children misunderstand it and other children are deeply hurt by it. How does a classroom teacher decide what is ‘safe sarcasm’ and what is not? How does a classroom teacher decide what is a positive and effective reaction in the classroom or what is not? Is there ever room for teachers to be hurtful in their approach to their students? There are those who would justify it, however, those same professors pay a price beyond what they can recognize. That price is the children’s sense of well-being, integrity and potential success. Often, instead of more accommodating students, they get lashing out students.
Hurtful language and behaviors in the classroom can be considered bullying. Consider what behaviors we do not accept from students toward other students in our classrooms. Do we teachers ever use those same behaviors towards students in the name of discipline, classroom management, or even motivation?
What teacher behaviors are hurtful or really intimidating? How do we know if we are using these behaviors? One way to consider these difficult questions is to reflect. We can ask ourselves:
Do we ever do the following behaviors?
- Teasing a child (teasing children about moving slowly, not being with them, behaviors we find awkward or strange, etc.)
- Ignoring a child’s pain or sadness
- Becoming verbally brutal in our words or tone: Shouting orders to do something… “Get over here!” “You stay there!” in a domineering or dismissive way, calling the kids losers, telling them they’re special ed so they’re not smart enough to read “that” book, etc.
- Make vindictive or counterproductive threats: “If you don’t finish your work, you won’t have lunch.” The difference between hurtful threats and discipline is that discipline teaches appropriate behavior and is thought ahead with the child’s understanding of the consequences.
- Being inappropriate with intimacy: Holding or hugging in an inappropriate way, or kissing.
- Ignore a child
- Being abrupt or brief in the time a child is given to listen to it.
- Continually point out what the child is doing wrong.
- Physically push a child; roughing or pulling to get the child to move.
- snatching an object from a child’s hands
- Think disdainfully of a child and let it show.
- Yelling uncontrollably at a child
- Crossing the line between showing appropriate anger in a respectful way and being disrespectful to a child to show our anger.
- Tell a child that they did something wrong when what they did was not deliberate or malicious.
- Assume the worst of what a child has just done without taking the time to understand the child’s reasoning and motivation.
- Do not act when a child is mistreating another child.
- Not acting when an adult is mistreating another child (finding the best way and the best time is not easy)
- Using hurtful sarcasm directed at a student to discipline.
- Talking bad about the children in the staff room, or worse, in the hallways or in the classroom in front of the children.
- Deliberately humiliating children in front of their peers.
Some other examples of hurtful behaviors that children have experienced at the hands of their teachers are:
- A child’s folder is neglected, so the teacher holds it up as an example for the class and lets all the contents fall to the floor while the teacher berates the child in front of everyone.
- Praise kids who got A’s in a way that embarrasses them and makes them an object of envy or makes others in the class feel slighted.
- Target children labeled as “problems.” Not giving them any respite, and at the same time favoring kids who are more popular, athletic, or smart. Allowing those children to escape the deserved discipline that attacked children must endure.
Reflecting on our behavior and language to address problems is never easy. Nobody is perfect. All of us fail to meet our own standards at times. The purpose of reflection is not to find our “failures” and berate ourselves for them, but rather to see where we can improve and help ourselves and our students grow.
Two simple approaches to behavior management that make a big difference in the atmosphere of our classrooms:
First: Use positive language when talking to young people. Never use sarcasm or destructive criticism.
Second: Use authoritative discipline. The authoritative approach is firm, but involves students in creating classroom rules by providing the logic behind those rules.
We are the role models of our students. We want to be the best role model we can be! We can, when we take the time to reflect, change what doesn’t work or what we don’t like, and grow from the experience.