However, even the best nurses can learn tools to improve their empathy. In fact, most people who score high on tests in the area of empathy often have no idea what they’re doing; they just know they like people, they enjoy working and helping people, and they value people as individuals.
At a recent presentation to healthcare professionals on empathy in New York City, the audience competed by saying that healthcare professionals show empathy most of the time: to their patients. When asked about using empathy with colleagues or family or even themselves, the audience seemed pretty sure they could do a better job.
What is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes. The definition of positive psychology is: The quality of feeling and understanding the situation of another person in the present moment (their perspectives, emotions, actions (reactions)) and communicating it to the person. So you know what they’re feeling, or at least suspect you know what they’re experiencing, and you communicate it to spark further discussion or clarification.
Empathy is a competence of Emotional Intelligence (EI). In the field of Emotional Intelligence there are four clusters of competencies and eighteen competencies. The four groups are:
– Self awareness
– Self-management
– Social conscience
– Relationship management
Empathy falls within social consciousness. This skill reflects a person’s ability to connect with and engage with others, which is an essential skill for building and managing healthy relationships. Without the ability to understand what the other is going through, our relationships are left shallow and without the depth and richness that comes from sharing an emotional connection. The opportunity is lost.
Why is empathy important?
Without empathy, people tend to go through life without considering how others are feeling or what they may be thinking. Each of us has different perspectives. We all experience moods, pain and pain, joy and sadness. And we are so limited when we only see our own perspective. Without taking a moment to assess another, it’s easy to make assumptions and jump to conclusions. This often leads to misunderstandings, bad feelings, conflicts, bad morals, and even divorce. People do not feel heard or understood.
One client reported that a recent radio show polled its listeners on how they knew they were loved and they responded that they knew they were loved when they felt heard. In employee surveys about what makes a good manager, people want to feel that their manager listens to them. This is a big problem. When leaders, parents, and teachers listen, really listen, using empathy to understand what the person is thinking or feeling without trying to change them, fix them, or solve their problem, the person feels valued as a human being. And when people feel valued, they feel safe. They feel that they matter. And this means that they are free to be themselves and to do their job. In other words, employees are more productive when they feel valued.
The power of empathy
When you use empathy to understand why someone is angry or when a child is misbehaving, for example, you may learn that something happened at home that is upsetting you, for example, your mother is sick or the child has no food at home. to eat and is hungry. Instead of reacting to another person’s emotions or becoming defensive, you can ask questions about their behavior or emotional state. It may still be necessary to apply discipline or consequences to their behavior, but by using empathy first, the person feels valued and heard and will therefore more easily accept responsibility for their actions.
Empathy is the missing link in families, in our schools, and in our workplaces. As we grow up, children can often be mean to each other. If we start teaching empathy in elementary and middle school, we may grow up to be more loving, tolerant, and understanding of each other.
Empathy and Compassion
Compassion means caring. It is the desire to “relieve one’s own suffering.” To be empathic, we must care or the person will not share their feelings. They will not feel safe to open up to us. Without compassion, we would not spend time listening to another. We wouldn’t bother asking them about his experience. We wouldn’t care what they’re thinking or feeling. Compassion is a necessary component for empathy.
challenges to empathy
What does it take to be more empathetic? Why don’t we do it more often?
1. For one thing, it requires us to pay attention. Too often we are in our own heads; we have our own agenda. We are busy. So we don’t pay attention to what others are thinking or feeling. In order to improve, we need to be more aware of ourselves and more aware of others. For example, the next time you ask someone how they are, listen to their answer. Do you believe them? Are they really okay? Ask yourself if you want more information. If so, ask them a question or share your observation.
2. It takes time. In our fast-paced world, people keep moving. Empathy requires us to stop and take the time to care. “What’s happening to you? Does it seem like you have something on your mind?”
3. Your self-esteem gets in the way. When your mind is so busy with negative thoughts about yourself, then you don’t have the space to really be there for someone else. Often people think they are empathetic, but when you consider what you are thinking about when you listen to the person, you may find that you are busy thinking about yourself: how the person thinks of you, whether they like you, what you should be like. doing something else, or you won’t be able to help them… blah blah blah.
4. There is a story between you that you carry as luggage. The longer you’ve known a person, the more history you have with them, the harder it is to put that aside and just be with them. you have developed a preconditioned response which you will need to be aware of and stop to really open the connection with this person. Look at them with new eyes. Leave your luggage at the door. Tell a new story about your relationship. This one is not easy.
5. You are a professional problem solver. You think that if someone shares something, you automatically need to fix it. This is not empathy. It’s about you, not them, and your need to impress or be right. Eliminate responsibility for solving his problem and places it in his lap. It diminishes the person and makes them feel devalued.
Empathy is a choice. We have to choose to improve, to care, to get out of our own way, and to bridge the gaps between us: generations, cultures, religions, socioeconomics, etc. Empathy allows us to be fully human and gives others permission to do the same.