Things you can do to live much longer than you think
Our leader asked us for specific items. One of his requests was: Anti-aging: techniques, tips and methods to avoid “Father Time”.
Who dad time anyway? How did he get it into his head to kill everyone? It just isn’t fair. We need to attack it, trip it, block it, and finally kill it. So we can live forever or even longer.
I tried to find a Father Time joke on the internet. I failed, so as usual I’ll write my own joke:
A farmer was working in the barn and a tall, thin person in a black cape and black pointed hat came in to see him. He was from the “black branch” of the Ku Klux Klan. This dark character carried a scythe on his shoulder. The farmer grabbed the scythe and said, “We have been looking for that scythe for a long time. Damn thief!” He grabbed the scythe, kicked the black character in the pants and sent him running into the fields.
The scythe is the tool of the Grim Reaper He is dad time disguised. A scythe is an agricultural tool used to cut grain. It is a wooden stick with a stem. The upper end of the rod and also the stem has a handle or grip. The grips are parallel to the bar. At the end of the cane you will find the ring, the spike, the heel, the beard, the chin and the tip. Porcelain makes the cut. You youngsters might want to check out a scythe at http://www.scythesupply.com/.
The scythe is what the Grim Reaper uses to cut you. That is not what we want to happen. Here are some ways to charm the Grim Reaper, also known as Father Time.
Send some of your kids to medical school.
That ‘s what I did. If I say, “I had a little lump in my chest last week,” one of my doctor kids will say, “Go to the ER RIGHT NOW!”
I say, “I’ll go tomorrow. I have to take the boys fishing.
He says, “Dad! Put your butt down there!”
When I get there, the ER doctor is already talking to my son and starts testing me for everything from Abrin to Zoster.
Thank God for Medicare and AARP Supplemental Insurance.
Oh, do you want to see a list of diseases? Go to http://www.cdc.gov/az.do. Maybe you will find one you like. You know what they say, “For long life find a disease and take care of it.”
Watch cartoons on TV.
A man was supposed to die, so he lay in his hospital bed and watched videos of Red Skelton. He laughed and laughed and laughed but he couldn’t die.
He got out of bed and went home. Anyway, that’s the way I heard it.
At the first sign of a cold, take a ton of vitamin “C.”
Linus Pauling won two Nobel Prizes. One was for his work on the structure of matter. The other was the Peace Prize.
He should have gotten one for his work on vitamin “C.” Read about it at http://lpi.oregonstate.edu/.
Read the label on those big bubbling pills you take to prevent illness from crowds and airplane cabins. There full of vitamin “C”. I only take vitamin “C”. It’s cheaper.
By the way, I popped one of those fizzy pills in my mouth recently in Michigan. It seemed that he had hydrophobia.
I take about 3000 mg of itamine “C”. The limit is 10,000 from what I’m told. Ask your doctor about the correct dose or read the bottle label if you can read the print that should have been placed on the head of a pin.
Do what Katie Couric did but not on television.
I mean, if you’re over 50, you need a doctor to place his fiber-optic blackjack out of the sun to check your colon. Watch [http://www.hon.ch/News/HSN/514178.html].
If you are a man, ask your doctor to place his finger where he can check your prostate. See above.
I know it’s not nice, but do it. Early detection is the key. Go to http://www.prostatecancerfoundation.org/.
I just lost a very good friend to prostate cancer.
Stop fat and overeating.
Heart disease and diabetes are two killers.
Read about heart disease at http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=1200000.
Read about diabetes at [http://www.diabetes.org/home.jsp].
Take a baby aspirin every day to prevent stroke and heart attack.
A few years ago, my cardiologist in Arizona said he wanted to keep me alive until I was in my eighties. My grandfather lived to be 95 and my parents lived to be 88. However, I had uncles and cousins who died young of heart disease. I was surprised by what the doctor said as I had undergone coronary bypass surgery and had a damaged aortic valve. I have since had bypass surgery again and have an aortic valve from a young pig. My surgeon now says that if I don’t die of something else, my heart and arteries should sustain me for another 10 years.
Medical care is very important for heart and diabetic patients.
do not forget
Exercise, but don’t overdo it.
Here’s a place to start: http://www.presidentschallenge.org/.
Provide service to others.
How does this help? Well, giving help is like watching Red Skelton. You feel good about it and the mental attitude is important for a long life.
Go to http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/health/2001790118_agelong13m0.html to read an inspiring story from a 110-year-old woman.
Looks after your teeth.
In order to get the nutrients from food, you need to be able to break down the structure of the food you are eating. You do it by chewing and chewing and chewing.
Learn how to take care of your teeth at http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/dentalhealth.html.
Have long-lived parents.
Genes are important. Just remember that proper living and medical care can make up the difference. If you don’t have the best genes read the article at [http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2001/08/0827_agegen.htm].
Help is on the way!
Read the article below.
This is for men, but women should read it too. It covers some of what I said and more. Go to http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1608/is_3_18/ai_83343023#continue.
Sing happy days are here again every day.
This song was written by Jack Yellen and Milton Alger,
Happy days are here again
The skies above are clear again.
Let’s sing a song of joy again:
Happy days are here again.
Read the lyrics at http://www.k-state.edu/english/nelp/american.studies.s98/brother.happy.html.
Now sing them every day.
Promise?
The end