Does it excite you to be loved by others? Perhaps it is evident in your career or in your personal relationships? How does it make you feel? Reflect on the feelings of as we delve into this topic.
There is no denying, being wanted can boost our self-esteem and self-esteem. We may feel better about it, but it’s a false sense of worth fabricated by the ego to convince us of our worth. But let’s be clear, being desired is not the same as being appreciated or valued, as I will explain below.
Consider this for a moment: the ego thrives on being seen and heard; needs to be validated. Because if the ego doesn’t get validation, we get depressed, angry, or emotionally deprived. This is why people are addicted to social networks like Instagram, where constant validation is common. But this is a false admiration that feeds our ego without nourishing our soul.
Validation must come from within
Ponder this for a moment: being loved takes a toll on our self-esteem because we are accused of seeking praise instead of giving ourselves the validation we deserve. Are you with me so far? Nod your head to indicate that you understand the difference between being wanted and being valued. Instagram influencers who thrive on social validation fabricate their lives to attract a certain audience. They are promoting a deceptive way of life out of reach for many people. I don’t mean to demonize them, but to highlight why validation is a double-edged sword that we can become addicted to.
To take this idea even further: there is a difference between being loved and being valued, evident in the energy we give to something outside of ourselves. The energy of being loved drains our life force because it is based on desire. We become addicted to the intoxicating emotions that feed our ego. But being wanted doesn’t enhance our personal growth because we become addicted to others checking our self-esteem. We give our power over to someone who can abuse its power against us. Nothing outside of you can validate your self-esteem. It must come from enhanced self-esteem and unwavering self-respect. These are the virtues of a healthy character and the foundations of the noble virtues.
The final point I wish to emphasize is this: being wanted is a selfish pursuit that I like to be a one-way street; it only serves you. On the contrary, being valued arises from our commitment to serve others. Think of those in your community who do honorable work helping disadvantaged groups. The value they provide is selfless and based on a dedication to serving others. You see, when we are valued for who we are and what we do, we connect to a deeper meaning and purpose for our lives. Therefore, the meaning we attribute to our actions arises from our commitment to enrich the lives of other people.
Are your relationships self-serving or self-empowering?
Are you satisfied with these ideas because it is important to understand the difference between being loved and valued? If we give importance to being loved alone, we create an imbalance in our relationships, giving power to another person. On the contrary, being valued is the foundation of our character and cannot be taken away from us. On the contrary, if someone stops needing us, our self-esteem can decrease because we have entrusted it to them instead of owing it ourselves. Remember when you were in a relationship and your partner broke it off. Think about how you felt after the breakup. It may have taken you many months to get over them and challenge your self-esteem. This is because we are social beings and we crave meaningful connections. But we must recognize whether our relationships are selfish or self-empowering.
Therefore, we must give greater importance to being consistent in our actions, our character and our self-esteem. In doing so, we live in harmony to uphold these values, since they are the foundation on which character is built. Character cannot be taken from us because true character is revealed behind closed doors when no one is looking.
With this in mind, I would like you to consider three important relationships in your life. Choose an intimate partner, if you are currently in a relationship, a professional relationship, and a friend. Analyze each of them to see if you are loved or valued in the relationship. If you are sure, ask them. Find out what qualities they value most in you? Why do you value these qualities over others?
Ultimately, we must nurture our soul because it is the foundation of our true nature and indicates the value we bring to other people’s lives. If we hope to form deeper connections in our relationships, we must move from being ego-identified to being soul-centered (heart-based living). After all, being valued expands our self-esteem and enhances our true character more than the validation that comes with being loved.