A lot of people ask me, “How did you become a dating coach?”
From what I read, many Dating Coaches and Seduction Gurus become “experts” because they were once shy, ignored, or had trouble approaching and attracting the opposite sex. Others became “experts” because they found love after just one “trial and error” and have been married for many years. And others because they want to help their peers to “beat” the opposite sex at their own game.
I became a Dating Coach because I love men and am (and always have been) great with the opposite sex (forgive me for blowing my own horn, but it’s the truth).
For many years, I was what Dr. Herb Goldberg calls the “Magic Lady”: the woman who makes men behave in ways they never dreamed they would and do things they would never normally do.
Although I am an attractive woman in every sense of the word (not the Playmate of the Year type of attractiveness), looks were not what earned me the aura of “Magical Woman.”
When I was with a guy (my preference was the kind of guy who was smart, charming, athletic, spontaneous, very sexual, wild at heart, spiritual, very assertive but also very sensitive, easy going with laid back confidence), I was this amazing woman who really knows how to love him: adoring but unnecessary, loving but independent, sexual but without all the feminine pressures on him to commit or prove anything. Each of these men told me that what was “difficult” with other women seemed just as easy with me. They felt so emotionally connected to me as if I knew their soul. They could be themselves around me, say what they wanted and feel without controlling their language or their thoughts because they felt that I really understood them and loved them for who they were. No demands, no expectations, no homework, no jealousy, no silly dating games of hide-and-seek, no hang-ups, and no fears of the future (so it seemed).
I was the woman of his dreams: a successful professional, “dangerously” flirtatious, sexually positive, full of life, direct, down-to-earth, understanding, caring, spontaneous, playful, adventurous, authentic and honest with my feelings, needs and desires. . A spiritual woman with a good heart, always there for others. And when I was in love, no woman loved like me. I gave a man my heart, my love and my total trust. I did not withhold anything. In return, men wanted to be there for me, love me, protect me, and give me everything I wanted, even though I never asked for anything. I never had any “he doesn’t spend enough time with me” thing because guys would do anything to get to where he was, even if it was for a day, even sleep in airports waiting for a connecting flight. And I would be there in the “arrivals” terminal just as they had fantasized.
Everything was going “great” until he started talking about commitment and “future”. Something inside me instantly shut down. I still loved him and all, but I felt pressured, crowded, suffocated, trapped, and “wanted to be owned.” I instantly became distant. The more distant I became, the more desperate the men became. A couple of them started checking on me behind my back, asking my friends and family and talking to anyone who knew me to get “information” on their position. Sometimes they would confront me wanting to know if there was someone else, if I still loved them, if I found this or that man attractive, if he was real, etc. I responded with the same honesty and openness as before but disconnected. If he got mad, I never got mad. If he got emotional and cried, I would cry with him. If he wanted to talk about “our future” he would just shut me up or say “let’s take one day at a time”. After begging and pleading that nothing worked, they would give up and leave. When it seemed like they were leaving, he would turn me around and beg them to “don’t leave me”, only to lose interest again as soon as the relationship became serious. He would play this sick game until the man got tired and left, forever.
But even they, from time to time called to see if he was okay (or if someone else was there). Sometimes we would get back together only to break up like before. With each of them a great friendship followed in which I became a “counselor” on women, and even found a wife for one of them.
For many years I ran, hid, and broke hearts, including my own. Whenever I was confronted by a family member or close friend about my behavior, I would always laugh saying, “Why make one man happy when I can make many miserable?” Unbeknownst to me, my intended lighthearted mood was laden with so much truth behind every word.
It wasn’t until I came face to face with my “demons” that I recognized the game I was playing with myself.
I grew up feeling very loved at home, at school, and by basically everyone, except for the one person I fantasized about, dreamed about, and thought about almost every moment of my young life: my biological father. Now that I was older, I was unconsciously haunting my birth father, who I never really knew. A part of me looked for my father in the men I chose (even in looks and qualities) because that part of me wanted men to love me the way my father should have loved me. The boy in me who felt abandoned by him made sure that I could make men want to be in my life (always and forever) because I couldn’t make my father want to be in my life. That “inner child” wanted to show them the loving and caring person he had made me because my father never got to know that every father’s “dream boy” turned all men into “dream women.” My inner child also wanted to “punish” men for (unlike my father) being too available. Basically “punish” them for messing up my sick game.
The more truth about myself I learned, the more determined I became to rescue myself from behavior that prevented me from manifesting a soulful and spiritually loving relationship. I threw myself into relearning the secrets of ancient erotic practices and courtship rituals so that I could use these secrets to refine my very active love life. But it wasn’t just my love life that needed a complete makeover, my whole life needed a makeover.
After a lot of inner work, amazing things started to happen in my life. At some point (I don’t remember when), I must have aligned myself with my life’s purpose because men and women, young and old, friends and strangers would almost instinctively start telling me about their relationship problems. Sometimes it was “You seem like a really nice person, can I talk to you about something?” Sometimes the conversation turned into relationship problems. And sometimes I’d overhear a conversation and chime in with some advice. At first I thought The ability to help The rest was the result of my many years of relationship problems, but as I continued my “healing and growth process,” it all became crystal clear: it was my destiny.
My years of practice as “Magical Woman” have not ended. Now all that “power” is being channeled into more constructive use. Today I’m in a committed relationship (I’m still causing my man to behave in ways he never dreamed he would and I’m driving him crazy because he can’t get enough of it) but even more so, I’m helping others to dig deeper. and find your own unique “power” to create fulfilling and exciting loving relationships.
I always tell my clients, if it happened to someone like me, it could happen to you! You just have to want it enough to do what it takes!