It’s all jus dialogue!
An interview with the truth
It is almost popular now to casually comment on the negative effects of smoking cigarettes. “Yeah, that’s almost as dangerous as smoking,” one teen comments on the suggestion of jumping off a bridge. His popularity rating gained 7 points, which would be lost when he later made the comment, “That’s about as sexy as a nine-year-old!” When I spoke to this teen, who asked that his identity be referred to as “Super X,” he said, “I really thought it was cool with the guys when they liked my anti-smoking comment. It made me feel like a real part of the team.” ‘Cause all night I hadn’t said anything. I was still dreaming about the Casey Lain video I saw earlier.” Later, she shared her sorrows with me: “You were wrong when I said a nine-year-old… I meant because, most of the time, nine-year-olds are accompanied by very hot mothers, late 30’s. Now that turns me on”. Then Super X had to walk away from me so they could pick up a K-Mart catalog for children’s swimwear.
While flipping through the TeeVee channels (that glamorous f*ck-box), I saw a commercial for Truth. The truth, for all of you who have a selective vision and cannot see the propaganda, is an anti-tobacco organization. In this commercial, dead bodies were piled up in the corporate headquarters of a smoking business, well, body bags, and I’m just assuming they had real bodies because they were heavy, and people were screaming into a microphone. , “Do you like killing people!?!?” In another commercial, they drive a van through a wealthy neighborhood and blurt out propaganda through a microphone: “We know you invest in smoking businesses!” Now… Carrying bodies and rampaging through a neighborhood at 3 in the morning, those are just misdemeanors. Honestly, these commercials seem more pro-mischief than anti-smoking. Finally, in a commercial, they talked about something like cowboys getting killed for smoking, and then they had horses dragging body bags (again, with the bodies), and then they threw some propaganda terms at me, which I think I’ll just mention. benefit the reader by not repeating. So what gives? Fortunately, I got an interview with the Truth people. The three I interviewed were John, Susane and Charles.
John: When I think of the big smoking corporations, I see the face of Hitler.
Punkerslut: Really?
John: Yeah, and in a few years, they’re going to have the Nuremberg Trials again for everyone who ever sold cigarettes.
Punkerslut: Do you think smoking companies should be killed for what they do?
John: Oh definitely. We are like Gandhi, we try to change society.
Punkerslut: In less than 37 seconds of this interview, you managed to compare smoking companies to Hitler and yourself to Gandhi. How do you respond to these accusations?
John: I think the media is biased towards smoking companies, because all smoking companies control the media.
Punkerslut: Fascinating. Susana, do you have anything to add to this?
Susane: However, what I really don’t like about chemists and drug users is that they act like they know what they’re talking about.
Punkerslut: When they really don’t?
Susan: yes
Punkerslut: And you, Charles?
[At this point, Charles starts waving his arms around and drooling.]
Susane: It’s been worse since the accident.
Punkerslut: What happened?
Susane: He was hit by a truck and the doctors had to surgically remove his brain.
Punkerslut: I’m so sorry.
John: A truck, I add, that was paid by smoking companies to do this!
Punkerslut: Was the truck paid for?
John: Well… yes.
Punkerslut: Incredibly provocative.
Susane: Charles still does our commercials for us.
Punkerslut: I would never have guessed… but moving on, what do you think of your civil disobedience towards smoking companies?
Susane: We are fighting against an oppressive system, Punker. We need the help of everyone we can get.
Punkerslut: An oppressive system?
Susan: Yes… well, you see… Smoking is bad.
Punkerslut: Is it?
Susana: It certainly is!
Punkerslut: Why?
[At this point, the three looked at each other with blank faces. A minute would pass before someone spoke…]
John: Because… isn’t it healthy?
Punkerslut: Fascinating. What if a person wants to smoke, for his own freedom?
Susane: Look, that’s the thing… Smoking is bad.
Punkerslut: I’d say you narrowly avoided answering the question, but watching you avoid the question is like watching a 500-pound man jump a hurdle.
John: What do you mean freedom?
At this point, each of them gave me their idea of a utopian society, while I nodded my head and wondered why they thought this would be interesting. This kind of interview is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. But then, let’s go to the next interview…
Interview Planet of the Apes
Planet of the Apes, the original 1968 movie, was great. Of course, it was based on a novel, and not on a screenwriter’s heroine-induced dreams. That is perhaps the biggest reason why the movie itself was magnificent. However, there were some complaints against him. In my effort to find out, I interviewed “Planet of the Apes” fans.
Punkerslut: Hello everyone.
Jack: Hey, whore.
Dave: Hey buddy.
Punkerslut: Uh, yeah… What did you two think about the opening dialogue in this movie? Taylor talks to Landon, tells him about his life, and tells him that the main reason he went on the trip was to live up to the American image of him. Taylor, however, thinks that he himself left Earth because he was too shallow. What do you think of these?
Jack: I really didn’t like that dialogue. It was too complicated.
Dave: I totally agree. I think Taylor should have said, “Man, that would suck if this was actually earth and inhabited by apes.”
Jack: Yeah, and Landon might say, “Yeah, that would really suck. And this whole area is called the Forbidden Zone.” And that token black guy might be like, “Whoa, totally. To shizzle, my shizzle!”
Dave: Look, there was really no need for him to go off on a tangent like that about life. He should have focused on the possible simian dangers that awaited him, instead of talking as if he had landed from a spaceship on a new planet, which he did, but that’s not the point. They could have run an anti-Zaeis campaign with slogans and stuff, that way they could be ready for Ape City.
Punkerslut: Hhhmmmm, I see… What were your two favorite episodes?
Jack: MY favorite episode was the third one, where Dr. Zira goes to Earth and attends women’s rights meetings, gets drunk and wears JC Penny clothes.
Dave: Personally, I liked the fifth episode better. I mean, apes living amongst humanity, it was like a utopia, but then those damn mutants had to come out of their caves and mess everything up. That’s why I stopped recognizing people in wheelchairs as human beings.
Punkerslut: Uuuuhhhh?… well, moving on… Was there anything from the first episode that bothered any of you?
Jack: I think apes should have been…you know…big breasted.
Punkerslut: What the hell are you talking about?
Jack: Honestly, I can’t focus on anything for more than six seconds unless sex is in… what were we talking about?
Punkerslut: Dave, did you have any problems with the first episode?
Dave: Other than the opening dialogue, I really think Taylor should have nailed that Nova girl. He really should have knocked her to the ground. And Dr. Zauis shouldn’t have been the chief scientist. He should have been the boss of Kick Ass.
Punkerslut: Uuuummmmm… Anything else, Dave?
Dave: Now that you mention it, it would have been great if Charleton Heston had a Gatling gun in that movie.
Punkerslut: And how could a Gatling gun be explained?
Dave: No… he brought it with him from earth.
Punkerslut: Did they let you carry a Gatling gun on the spaceship?
Dave: Well, they bring that weird ice cream on spaceships. I don’t see why a Gatling gun would be any different.
Punkerslut: You’re probably right.
Dave: Yes, I am. And Taylor would come to ape town and say, “Eat lead, apes…Det det det det det…” And they could blow up and stuff, and the humans would. learn to speak because, you know, weapons and violence are necessary for real communication…
Punkerslut: Okay Dave, shut up… Final question… Would any of you want to see another “Planet of the Apes” movie? Several years ago, they remade the first episode. Should they do the same with the second episode?
Jack: Well, they tried. That was his intention. To remake them all.
Punkerslut: Purpose…?
Jack: Their first remake was so poor that they decided not to torture humanity with more sequels.
Punkerslut: It’s good to see film directors with humanitarian ideals. We could only wish George Lucas had the same ideals before he made Star Wars Episode 1, or before Steven Spielberg made AI and peed on Kubrick’s dead body, or before Steven Segal made any movies.
Dave: It’s hard to lead the life of a cynic, isn’t it?
Punkerslut: You have no idea.
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